I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
