Your dad touched me again.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
