how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
