i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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