It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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