i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
