a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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