I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I need moral support for this bender
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
