in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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