Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
