And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
he fucked my hip out of place.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
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