He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
