Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I stole a fireplace last night.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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