He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
