i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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