does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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