mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Randomize
