my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
can u get pink eye on your cock?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
