i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
