Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
