she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
