god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
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