3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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