So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
third nipple confirmed
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
