belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
