I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Drunk is not a location!
Randomize
