I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
