hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
