If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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