I skipped work to stalk him.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Green mimosas i think yes
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Im part way to drunk.
Randomize
