operation have a gay friend backfired
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
