Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
