Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
ttyl tear gas
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
