Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
