Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
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