It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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