Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I've blown a few things in my day
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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