so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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