You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
