Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Randomize
