i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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