So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
