so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Randomize
