I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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