I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
