There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
