i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
