My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
