cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
