Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
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