apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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