can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
