if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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