Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
