he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Randomize
