O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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