Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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