No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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