you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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