i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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